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Single's Week is Stupid

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Did last week seem a little lonelier than usual?  Did you have an awesome week hanging with your girl friends and trolling for dudes with popped collars?  Did you see that woman screaming on the subway that she wanted to die?  If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you may have put together that last week was "Single's Week".  

Yes, that's right. According to some of my single friends on Facebook, last week was Single's Week, and both Facebook and my single lady friends are NEVER wrong.  Except for my friend who went home with a 24 year old DJ and woke up with a suprise on her.... never mind.  Sometimes my single friends are wrong.  

Did you celebrate Single's Week?  I did. I celebrated it by performing my most single behavior which includes but is not limited to: Eating a cup cake for dinner, going out to eat with a couple and being the third wheel, three times, getting stood up by a dude on Saturday night, and pooping while blow-drying my hair. Pooping while blow-drying my hair is probably my most single behavior.  Sometimes I'm in a rush. 

My friends on FB expected me to "Girl Power" all over Single's Week's face because I am a strong, independent, single lady, but let's be real.  If you ASK any of my single friends, they will tell you they are either looking for or at least interested in companionship.  Sorry if I'm being negative.  But it's true.  So I guess my point is that I don't celebrate "I'm Hungry, and I'd like a Piece of Pizza and There isn't any here in my Apartment Week". So, I'm not sure why I would celebrate Singl'e Week.  It makes sense in my head.

I'll be real.  I am not necessarily looking for anyone or really doing a good job putting myself out there, unless trolling on OK Cupid counts, (I. Can't. Stop. Looking), but I am interested in the idea of being in a realtionship. Just like I am interested in eating pizza, but I don't feel like going to the pizza place a few doors down.  

I will think positively for a minute, (but just a minute so you better read this next part in under a minute), and say this:  celebrating being single is a good reminder of why you aren't dating the last idiot you dated, or the two idiots before. (Sorry idiot #1,2, and 3 but stop reading my blog is you don't like it). It's also a good reminder that dating someone because they make an epic sandwich, does not a relationship make. The sandwich, while delicious, does not make up for the fact that HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND.  I repeat, he just makes a great sandwich.  You can make your own sandwich without him.  You can't date someone for their sandwiches, great body, the fact that they like Breaking Bad or that they can play the Ukulele.  It's just not good enough for you.  

I am a CATCH.  (See picture below)

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Single's Week is a reminder that when you are single you are thinner, you don't have to listen to some dude snore in your ear, and you don't have to be so concerned about another person, and you can focus on yourself. 

I think I have really grown up this past little stretch that I've been single.  I know my worth, which unfortunately a year ago, I knew my worth but didn't honor it.  I got stirred up in the pretty lights.  I dated someone for the heck of it while still thinking about and not being over someone else, and that's confusing and damaging for everyone involved.  I also cared more about them and their feelings than I did myself. Each man in my life has taught me a lesson about myself.  Shown me my major weaknesses, so I do think heartbreak, and disappointment, and singledom is extremely important.  

So this is no "Pity Party, Party of 1".  This is also not a Girl Power blog entry.  It's something in the middle. So now leave me alone and stop reminding me that I'm single.  I'm going to go watch The Real Housewives, eat chocolate, fart and rub my belly... alone.  Actually, I have one man in my life that will be joining me and he has a huge wang and that's all I really need. Not his wang, but him. You may know him, his name is Oliver.

Ps. Do you guys think I'm going to go have sex with my dog? While he has a huge wang, I'm not going to touch it or anything.  Just shut up.  And happy late Single's Week.

Pss.  Did you guys notice that I still haven't written about moving to LA because I am totally in denial.  Just give me time okay.  Stop pressuring me.

Pps.  You look really great in that outfit.  Are you single?

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