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Why Chicago is Cooler than New York


1149721_10100963419202097_541671245_oam a huge New York fan. I have lived in this city for about 8 years and I still really, really love it and I know that there is no place like it. Usually when I travel I think, "this place is cool, but I miss New York”. This week I went to visit one of my favorite people in the world in a city I had never been to before: Chicago. Chicago, you have stolen my heart.

You are clean: When getting off the plane, I had to pee.  My stall was immaculate and the toilet was one of those fancy toilets that cleans itself after you use it. (In NY, you can only find this in Bryant park).  Okay Chicago, I get it.  I’m not even out of the airport and I already know that you’re cleaner than us.  I was there for four days and I saw three pieces of trash. Three. In New York, you can maybe find three inches of sidewalk where there isn't a piece of garbage.

Better transportation:

Cabs: I like a city that you don’t need a car.  Anywhere you need to go in Chicago is $10 in a cab. Seriously. I took a taxi during rush hour across town and it was still $10.  

Subway: Their trains are mostly above ground so you can use your phones while riding and NO ONE was being an asshole about it.  I didn’t hear one person on their phone the entire time that I rode the train.  (I also didn’t smell a hint of urine in the train station or see one piece of trash. See You are clean above).


photo (26)

The Married With Children Fountain.

Food: Deep dish, ehhhh.  Sorry Chicago, but New York, you win Best Pizza but damn, those Chi-town hot dogs are perfect.  That peeper, the mustard, the poppy seeds...New York, your dogs don’t hold a candle.

Night life: We got a table to eat a delicious meal in a trendy part of town on a Saturday night with NO wait and NO reservation.  Beat that, New York.  

Rent: My friend pays what I pay in rent and has a big one bedroom, with a balcony and a backyard.  I have a studio apartment with no sunlight, a meth-dealer neighbor, and mice.  


They have Wrigley Field.  

The Men: The men there are Midwestern Gentlemen.  They were cute, laid back, tall and cornfed.  Our men are stressed out, short, and complete assholes.

Lake Michigan: There is literally a beach in the middle of their city.  You don’t have to take the subway and a train to see a body of water that you can actually swim in.  And no, the Hudson River doesn’t count. If you swam in there you'd grow a few extra eyes and flippers.

Chicago has everything New York has: the theatre, the comedy, the food, the music but it’s smaller, and there are less people so you can actually enjoy it. I am serious, I have NEVER gone on vacation and thought I could live in a place tomorrow.  Chicago, you have me…. New York, I’m sorry.  

*** Disclaimer: Right now I have bed bugs.  Please check back in with me when this is cleared up to see if I still feel the same****


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Reader Comments (1)

Bed bugs. gross.

August 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKeith

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