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Friday
Dec112015

Weak Ass Disney Princesses

I don’t know about you, but I grew up idolizing my favorite Disney princesses.  I wanted to look like them, be like them, dress like them, and my first lesbian crush was Ariel from the Little Mermaid.  Yes, I suppose I’ve got a little something something for a redhead with a tail. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been thinking more and more about these ladies and it took me 32 years to realize that a lot of the Disney Princesses that I grew up idolizing were weak ass bitches.  

Let’s start with my girl Ariel from Little Mermaid. SHE GAVE UP HER VOICE TO LOOK GOOD?!  She literally was like, “You know what, I’ll never speak again, I’ll get rid of my tail and my dinglehopper, just to get the man”! What?! You’re just gonna leave your father, Flounder, Sebastian and all your other little sea creature friends to spend the rest of your life sitting silently with some chiseled-too-good-looking-not-so-bright-prince?  No ma’am.  

Next up is Cinderella.  First of all, this is just another blah blah blah story about how a woman needs a man to escape from her current situation.  Second of all,  I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been cleaning my apartment on my hands and knees to look up and see a Prince who is there to invite me and my family to a party.  I’ve never had a Prince come to me.  I always have to look for them.  I sit online all day swiping right looking for my Prince and still can’t find him.  And again in this story, the girl has to completely change herself, bippity-boppity-boo style and become what she thinks he wants her to be to get his attention. Lame.

Sleeping Beauty- This takes it to the extreme showing us that a woman needs a man in order to literally live. Like, she can’t get out of bed, unless he kisses her?  Wait, doesn’t Snow White need a kiss from a hot man to live too? Are they the same person? I also remember them both sewing at some point as every good woman should.  See, these women are written in such a way that they are literally interchangeable.  Oh brother.  

And this list of Disney Lamos can go on from Belle to Rapunzel. The only thing I like about these fairy tales is that I have no idea what any of the Princes names are… to me he is just ‘Prince’, because let's be honest they are all replaceable.

 

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