Week two on OK CUPID highlights

OK Cupid is a weird, weird thing.  I have been on three dates so far.  All of them, aliens.  Maybe I'm the alien. What I have learned so far: You know you have chemistry with someone within 20 seconds, men aren't great listeners, and the worst thing about going on a bad date is when you are ready to go, ready to run out the door, and your date orders ANOTHER drink.  I have only had one awesome date since I've been on OK CUPID and it's because I left after two drinks, got in a cab to "go home early" and headed to the Lower East Side to do karaoke with my best friends.  Now, THAT is what I call a great Friday night.

Anyhow, here is a highlight from OK CUPID this week.  I don't know what is better about the messages below, the fact that "his wifi was being weird and he didn't know if I got the first message" or the fact that "he really wants to go on a date with me" and he doesn't even know me.  And yes, I got your first message. No need to call Time Warner.





A Few New York City Firsts!

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I have lived in NYC for six and a half years. This month, I took the plunge and I finally traded in my Florida driver's license and got a New York one.  Yes, I finally admitted that I live here.  Jury duty here I come.  

In the six and a half years that I have lived in NY, I have seen a lot.  I have seen someone peeing in the middle of the street mid day, a man flashing his penis at several individuals as they got off a New York City bus at 10 am, I've seen a dead body, I've seen someone walking a goat... I've seen a lot. I thought that after living here for so long that maybe I had seen it all. Nope. Since I got my New York City license I have had a few New York City firsts....Which means that there are many many more to come.

TAKING A CAR SERVICE ALONE... WHILE ON A POT BROWNIE: A few weeks ago I ate a pot brownie at a concert, and jumped in a car service in Brooklyn to get home. Once in the car, I realized that I was alone, in a stranger's car in....duh duh duh... BROOKLYN.  High on the green stuff, I convinced myself that he was kidnapping me and Google-mapped my entire way home to make sure he was taking me home and not to some Brooklyn rape dungeon.  It wasn't until we pulled right in front of my building that I realized I was safe. Then I spent the next two hours convincing myself that now I had shown a criminal/rapist where I live and he's going to climb into my fire escape and get me.  Yup, I'm never eating a pot brownie again.

PARTYING WITH MEDIEVAL TIMES: I went to a bar this weekend and at 10 pm, sixty people in crowns walked in.  Turns out they just took a bus to Medieval Times for a 30th birthday.  They all smelled like roasted chicken. It was amazing.

WENT TO A CAR WASH... WITH MY CAB DRIVER: This weekend I went out to dinner with some friends.  I was running late, and the trains were all messed up so I decided to take a cab.  "Broome street and Mulberry" I said, as he turned the car in the opposite direction and starting heading west towards the Hudson River.  Not again, I thought (referring back to the rapist pot brownie situation).  He turned the meter off and I thought, "This is it. All I wanted was to have pasta and a cannoli with the girls, and now this cab driver is going to ruin my carb loaded meal... and possibly kill me".  That is when he made a sharp turn right into a car wash.  Yup.  He needed a car wash.  So he pulled the car in, looked at me and said, "Two Minutes".  Well, ten minutes and a lot of soap, suds and scrubbing later he looked at me and said, "nice and clean, just for you". I had had my first official car wash in NYC. I love New York.




Real audition posting for "Hipsters of Brooklyn" 

Calling all HIPSTERS!!!!  Or anyone with a big personality.  Or anyone with a bad attitude.  Or anyone who smokes pot. Or anyone who speaks loudly.  Or any idiot in Brooklyn ever.  Or anyone who knows what a hipster is. Or just anyone.  Is this for serious?  Hey casting directors, you are 100 years late.  Don't you know that Williamsburg is for families and yuppies now? Get with the mothafucking PROGRAM.  And go away.  PLEASE go away.  



On my first week on Ok Cupid, I....


63339c1200e048a2098bbe34297d4449On my first week on Ok Cupid, I went out with an accountant. COME ON! When will I ever go out with an accountant again!? I'm sorry, I had to do it.  It was great.  It was kind of like a science experiment.... a look into another world.  It was like sitting at a bar with a nice, cute, sweet alien.  And you know I don't usually do aliens but NEW YEAR, NEW ME right?  

This online dating thing is weird, but I think it's a fun way to see how people behave and what people are like out there. And you can be anyone, do anything and it doesn't matter at all!  So I plan to go out with anyone and everyone, and really spread my Oral Herpes around town.  Do you like how I capitalized, Oral Herpes. I do.

Here one of my favorite Q & A's on someone's profile who has reached out to me:

Q: Would you leave an otherwise perfect relationship if you found out the partner was interested in children sexually?

A: I'm not sure.

Hmmm.  I think he should be a little more sure don't you think?  Maybe I'll go out with the child molester and see what he meant by "I'm not sure".  I'll let you know how it goes.




New Year, new ME! So joined Ok Cupid?


okcupid-logoI don't go on dates. Actually, dating makes me want to die a slow and painful death.  So this year, I decided to face my fears head on and join the internet dating world. I am officially on Ok Cupid (or OK Stupid as I like to call it). I am going to go on so many dates.  I am going to date everyone.  Everyone!  Mwa ha ha ha...  Okay calm down.

I joined this week and who would have thought picking a name would be so damn difficult. After a week of obsessiving over the perfect name, I finally picked one. (No, I am not telling you what it is, you'll have to find me). These are a few names that I thought about using but they didn't make the cut:

FunnyRunner69, AmusingMuse69, TrottingTrollop69, BranchHands69, RebelRunner69, MagicMakersMark69, PunkRockPickle69, RainbowWrite69, Pocahontastic69

PrettyPenGodLoverPanangCurry69, PanangPrincess69, HahaHottie69

Let the dating begin!  





Happy Friday from the Drive-Thru Ghost!

Watch as a ghost goes to several fast food restaurants and orders from the drive thru!  


A Les Mis Review

35425aThis holiday season I went to see Les Mis on the big screen. My sister said that she didn't want to see a movie about miserable people, and most of my friends were either out of town or had already seen it, so the plan was to see it alone.  I thought this would be a better idea anyway because I knew I would be an emotional mess the entire time, and thought it would be better to not have a witness to my emotional madness. At the very last minute, one of my Jew friends mentioned that he would be interested in seeing it, so I dragged my male jew friend to come see it with me.  I warned him that I was going to ugly cry the entire time and he still came with me, so that was nice of him.  And he wound up ugly crying too so I felt better about it. 

Holy depressing and beautiful.  The movie, with it's flaws aside, was absolutely beautiful to watch.  I felt like Ann Hathaway really stole the show, and Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter were pretty brilliant and provided much needed laughs at times when snot was dripping down my face and I was keening in a crowded movie theatre. 

Every girl in musical theatre has sang I Dreamed a Dream in some sort of talent show or recital so watching Ann Hathaway NAIL it was really emotional and fulfilling. Who knew when we were 10 that that song came right after Fantine came. Rimshot!

Hugh Jackman did an amazing job for all that was thrown at him.  I kept thinking about the mud, and the water, and the fake teeth, and the weight loss, and the ear plugs in his ears. It's alot to ask of Wolverine and I think he handled it well.  Singing live, you could hear that he was tired sometimes and his voice petered out a little bit here and there, but who's wouldn't after that many takes and with all the other elements involved?

Russell Crowe. Russell Crowe should never ever sing again. Ever. It's not good. Seriously, who's idea was that? I felt bad because it was clear that he was doing the best that he could but it just wasn't good. They should have cast someone else.  Anyone else. I've heard farts that sounded better.  Sorry Russ.

Overall, It was no Liz and Dick, but I still loved it.  

While watching the movie, I had this huge smile on my face because I couldn't stop thinking about all the memories I've had while listening to or singing the music of Les Mis.  A few years ago, I spent 5 months working on a cruise ship.  It was amazing, and I was basically paid to travel the world with some of the most amazing people and the craziest people I have ever met.  I’m talking about Tim, Emily, Tom, Paul, Brett and Ethan.  On one of our cruises we had a three night stay in Venice, Italy.  When we got to Venice, Tom and Paul had a friend that lived there, I believe her name was Rose. She wanted to come pick us up in her boat and take us out.  Yes, boat.  Remember, this is Venice, there are no cars.  So we hopped off of our ship, and onto her boat and we had one of the most amazing nights of my life.  We road around and looked into peoples houses, drank way too much and laughed the night away.  We ended up at her place and she had a piano.  We spent the whole night singing the ENTIRE score of Les Mis on the top of our lungs.  Practically SCREAMING ONE DAY MORE at 6 am.  I peed my pants several times, I cried, I laughed, it was just so so special.  Watching the movie made me think of that incredible night in Venice.  I’m just glad Russell Crowe wasn’t with us in Venice, He would have ruined everything… although Tim was just as bad. Sorry Tim.